Zimmedariyaan

Goa mein iss baar ek ajeeb si baat samajh aayi.

Hum wife ke birthday ke liye gaye the. 19th se 25th. Beaches, baarish, food, laughter, thoda sa laziness, thoda sa woh rare luxury jahan phone side mein reh jaata hai aur waqt dheere chalne lagta hai.

Phir yeh photo kheench gayi.

Toshani mere kandhon par baithi hai. Uske liye shayad bas ek normal moment tha. Papa hain. Kandha hai. Baith gaye.

Mere liye nahi.

Six years old. Pair hawa mein. Duniya ko thoda aur upar se dekh rahi hai. Aur usse poora yakeen hai ki neeche jo aadmi baitha hai, woh use girne nahi dega.

Bas.

Shayad zimmedaari ka sabse khoobsurat aur sabse daraavna matlab wahi hai.

Koi aapse poochta nahi ki aap ready ho ya nahi. Koi exam nahi hota. Koi certificate nahi milta ki ab aap husband banne layak hain, father banne layak hain, kisi ka sahara banne layak hain.

Ek din bas koi apna poora bharosa aapke kandhon par rakh deta hai.

Aur phir aap chal padte ho.

Hum aksar zimmedariyon ko weight ke jaise describe karte hain.

“Bahut responsibilities hain.”

“Life heavy ho gayi hai.”

“Apne liye time hi nahi milta.”

Sach bhi hai.

Par shayad kahaani ka aadha hissa hi hai.

Kyunki kuch weights aapko neeche nahi dabate. Kuch weights aapko mazboot banate hain.

Akele hote toh shayad hum bahut si cheezon se haar maan lete. Thak kar ruk jaate. Risk lene se darte. Kal kar lenge bol kar so jaate.

Phir koi chhota sa insaan aapke kandhon par baith kar samundar dekh raha hota hai.

Aur suddenly, quitting stops being such an interesting option.

Fatherhood ne mujhe fearless nahi banaya.

Quite the opposite.

Ab darr zyada lagta hai.

Health ka. Time ka. Failure ka. Galat decisions ka. Iss baat ka ki kahin ek din peeche mudkar na lage ki jis waqt sabse important log mere paas the, main kisi aur finish line ke peeche bhaag raha tha.

Lekin shayad isi ka naam bada hona hai.

Zimmedaari ka matlab har problem solve kar dena nahi hai.

Kabhi kabhi iska matlab sirf itna hai ki jab koi aapke kandhon par baithe, toh aap wahan ho.

Steady.

Present.

And strong enough for them to feel weightless.

Toshani ko shayad yeh photo yaad bhi na rahe.

Mujhe rahegi.

Because that day, sitting on a beach in Goa, I realised something I should probably have understood long ago:

Bachche hamare kandhon par bojh bankar nahi aate. Woh humein batane aate hain ki hamare kandhe bane kisliye the.